“Pick up your shoes”
“Don’t slam the door”
“Why are you late?”
“Didn’t you remember to _______?”
Slang though it is, “busting” is defined as accusing, getting someone in trouble, criticizing, judging, placing under arrest, pointing out a fault, putting down, belittling . . . It is easy to do, and gets to be a habit. Kids do it to each other, Mom does it to Dad, Dad does it to Mom, even the dog gets “busted”.
We live in a world where being a “critic” is a job someone gets paid for. . . and the rest of us practice up on it. We have movie critics, book critics, editors (yet another form of spotting errors). While there is a place for this, it is not in loving family relationships. Seeing the best in each other, having kind words for those that make mistakes, forgiveness—these belong in a happy family.
At my house, I am on an “Anti-Busting” Campaign. What’s that? It’s an attempt to go against the flow of our culture, and stop “busting” each other. Instead of accusing someone, I am trying to stop and purposefully be loving and understanding. Instead of asking “why didn’t you? . . . “why don’t you?” or “why did you do that!?”. . . . , I am trying not to judge, but to help.
Assuming everyone is trying to do their best makes life so much more pleasant. Since we all make mistakes and will be on the receiving end sooner or later, why not soften and sweeten how we interact? And stop “busting” each other.
I’m not giving parents an excuse to be lazy in training their children, but I think even in following-up on kids, we can be kinder and less critical. And to put ourselves in each other’s shoes.
My secret gift to my family? I’m trying not to bust anyone!
May I recommend: