When my first son, Daniel, moved out on his own, I found myself looking at homeschool and mothering with a new perspective. Although he was 19 years old, I was still getting around to the things I’d put on hold while I had babies, moved, planted my garden, endured chicken pox, etc. The music lessons, the family vacations, the trips to the museums, the mountain hikes, reading classic books together—somehow they all never happened like I’d hoped they would. (We did do a lot of them, to be sure.) Truly, life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
I don’t really have regrets because our relationship is very close and strong. Over his childhood years, we did do many good, positive things together. We talked, laughed, worked, confided in each other, discussed life and God’s laws, shared favorite scriptures we found with each other. Our hearts were knit together in love. There are skills that children learn in a close relationship that are priceless. No other experiences of life draw us nearer to heaven than those that exist between happy parents and children.
But as I watched him clean out his closets while he packed, I winced at the things I had hoped to teach him as he was growing up such as woodworking, first aid skills, writing succinctly without frustration, taking notes and studying effectively, and so much more. Basically, I wish I had given him every opportunity to learn and develop himself (every mother’s dream!) I wish I had a plan and had carried it out no matter what distractions developed in my life.
Homeschool is only as good as the mother’s ability to discipline herself. If you can’t get up, get dressed and be on time every morning for school to begin, you will likely find yourself with unruly children that can’t discipline themselves either. Getting dressed can be a problem! I want to do it right; meaning exercise, take a hot shower, dress nicely for the day, brush my hair and put on lipstick, straighten up my bathroom and bedroom, etc. Since the opportunity rarely avails itself, I find myself thinking that I will just attend to this spill, explain that math problem, or fix my girl’s hair while still in my nightgown, and then I will go get showered and dressed. Operating in that mode means occasionally I am still in my nightgown until noon. Arrgh! I have learned to just get dressed! I slip on my clothes and am done with it. Not a fashion statement, but at least I look together. It has a very positive effect on the homeschool for Mom to be dressed and start at the same time every morning. For one thing, she can expect the same from the children.
I know from sad experience that if homeschool does not start on time (whatever you deem to be the time, 8:30, 9:00 AM or whenever), it usually will get thrown off track by everything else (doorbell, phone calls, toddler’s messes, etc.) and not really get underway until 10:00 or 11:00 in spite of your good intentions. Children need a solid 3 hours a day if they are going to get a basic academic foundation. That’s not possible to manage if you don’t get started on time, dressed and ready to learn. That is one good thing about public school: children must be there dressed and on time! We could take a lesson.
I listened to my 16 year-old-son, trying to substitute for a parent and teach devotional to the family one morning. Oh, it takes years to learn to teach well, to be patient with children, to know how to keep interest, to rely on your belief in God. Children need guidance! They need supervision and teaching and nurturing and love. Our responsibilities are great. Each parent must choose what is most important for their children to learn, but learn they must! It is our God-given duty to train and teach, and to prepare them to the best of our ability.
Mothers are still on the hook as far as disciplining ourselves, when it comes to the content of the studies. If every morning of homeschool is a scramble to assign something, you can bet you will feel disappointed when your children graduate into adults. There is barely enough time to teach them what they need to know if you have an organized plan!
The older my children grow, the more I feel opposed to the “unschooling” approach (in children are allowed to follow their interests freely, with no constraints). I wasted two years of our homeschool this way. Why? Freedom looks so appealing! It looks easy for Mom, especially if she is childbearing. There is no flack from the children because they are basically doing what they want all the time. (I don’t complain when I get my way either!) There is usually no accountability or stewardship, meaning neither Mom nor child has to feel guilty. The sad news is that while they are under your thumb, it seems to work okay. As soon as they get out in the world, they see their inadequacies and academic weakness in glaring clarity! A person doesn’t have as much influence in the world if he can’t speak, write, think and reason clearly. He doesn’t have much confidence if his peers are debating Plato while he is struggling to read! And guess who he is mad at? Right!
If a mother is not able to discipline herself to plan out the education of her children, her children may be better off academically in a private school or another setting. Education was not the issue when I took my children out of public school. They could probably get an adequate education there. I have other concerns about the public school system. But I do not want to hinder my children’s development in a helter-skelter homeschool either. I want to do better than that.
Children need to be accountable for their work, to be able to show what they’ve done and receive your approval or correction. This seems to be the hardest part of homeschool for me. I can start on time (usually), I can get the course of study planned ahead (usually), I can write up their assignments in their planners, I can even search out the best materials so that my children will enjoy learning and feel enthusiastic about it. But, when lunch time rolls around, thoughts of “checking up” seem to vanish. If you don’t follow up, children may not always finish their work, or work as hard as they should. Questions will go unanswered. Learning won’t seem as important as it really is. You will have succeeded in training them that it really doesn’t matter so much.
We all need the opportunity to give an accounting of our efforts. We are only “half-homeschooling” if we are not following through to make sure the job is done. I have tried several different approaches to motivate my children, and have them check off charts, to have a sense of completion. The school year can slide right into the next year without much progress if you don’t keep track and work diligently.
So as Daniel left home, I turned to consider how ready my other children will be as they start their own lives. I know mothers all say that the time flies by and the children are so soon gone—now I understand it! There is so little time to teach them. It takes self-discipline for Mom to create the plan and follow-through so they will be given every opportunity to develop. It seems they are just learning to read, and you feel you have forever. The next time you notice, they are 8 years old, reading fine, and eager to learn everything. Next glance, they are teenagers and a bit resistant. How you wish you had taught them more when they were eager 8-year-olds! Suddenly, they are grown and homeschool is over for that child. We have only 10-14 years to prepare them for life. It is a grave responsibility! I feel a deep resolve to sacrifice my time and discipline myself to give them the best education—spiritually, academically and socially. May the Lord bless all of us homeschool mothers to catch the vision of our important work!
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